Friday, April 16, 2010

How to spot a dirtbag a mile away (or while sitting in his lap)

I WISH it was as big a party as this!
SCENE: Vendor sponsored party at a nightlcub downtown. Booze, snacks, games and prizes so us sales reps will promote their products.

He was 6ft 4, toned, well groomed and cute. I saw him earlier and noticed him checking me out all night too (woo hoo!)

Heck, I looked good. Yay hot yoga and hallelujah to makeup and control top pantyhose.

Finally, near the end of the night, I slipped over to where he was and stood near while watching the presentations on the stage ahead of us.

He said hi and we got to chatting. He said he noticed me across the room and thought I was beautiful. 
Wow! Great start and great to hear. Big smile!

SIGN #1: He compliments you. Great. He compliments you too wary. He repeated variations of you're gorgeous, you're a 10 out of 10 -no an 11 out of 10, you're beautiful, you're out of my league, etc. all night.

He wanted to dance. As we head to the dance floor, he starts to giggle a lot. I ask him if he's been drinking (sure, sure we ALL had been. Free drinks were flowing at the beginning of the night after all. But there's drinking and then there's drinking). He said no, he's just giddy cuz he's with me and only had 2 beers before he got there. I look over at his 2 buddies and they're chugging back vodka tonics and shots. Hmmmm....

SIGN #2: He starts lying to you from the start.

The corporate party is getting lame. The free trip to Vegas has already been awarded and the food is gone. He asks where I'm going next.
Time Check:  11:30pm.
I reply "Home. I work @ 8am tomorrow"
He says we need to seize the day and live for the moment and have fun tonight while we're young and while we can. Don't I want to look back on this night as being an amazing one?

SIGN #3: He has a now or never attitude. If it doesn't happen tonight...

Not knowing my last name, he invites me to travel back with him and his buddies to a town 3 cities over.

Again, my reply: "Sorry, I'm going home. I work @ 8am tomorrow"

Now he and his friends want to keep the party going and we head to a nearby bar.

SIGN #4: You suggest future events you can do instead (like a house party on the weekend where time is not a concern) and he's still back to his now or never attitude.

He himself speaks of future things we should do and can do together but in a vague manner and can't be locked into anything.  He also claims he's not a player and would never lie about these things.

Sign #5: He says he's not a player and his feelings for you are true....after only 1 hour.

He continues to pawn and grope me and I still think he's cute so I avoid the obvious signs.

SIGN #6: He doesn't ask you questions about yourself.

We go to the bar and he immediately orders a bottled water (yikes! #1 Sign of having too much to drink!) Meanwhile, while I know where he was born, where he grew up, where he lives now, how many siblings he has, the fact that he loves and respects his mother dearly and that his father passed away a few years ago. HE still doesn't know my last name and I suspect may have even forgotten my first.  

Time check: 12:30AM

SIGN #7: When you say no, for the millionth time, to his offer of SEX (he was happy to have it any form - via hand, mouth or traditional), and tell him that you have to go home now, he DOESN'T ASK FOR YOUR TEL NUMBER.

I angrily leave the bar and then do an about face.  I go back into the bar and tell him that if he was sooooo interested in seeing me again, then why didn't he take my #. He whips out his phone and says of course, of course. I'm start to give him a fake one but he says "And don't go giving me a fake # either". Laughing, I give him my real # (should change it to 604 NO JERKS). 

Next day, I text him to invite him to an imaginary casual house party I'm having this weekend as he had said he would LOVE to hang out again on the weekend- casually.

His response: No thanks, you guys have fun.

I push further to ask him about his great desire for me and repeat all the BS he had spouted the night before (in nice, flowery terms of course).

His response: I was drunk and juss playing. Sorry, not interested.

Aha! I thought so. Still a blow to the ego (doesn't EVERY man desire me??) but it was too much, too soon and too insistent. I reply nicely, remembering his love for him mom & the passing of his father.

My response, via text: Tsk, tsk, tsk.  THIS is why I didn't go home with you. Bad character and full of lies. What a shame. I wonder what your PARENTS would say about their son who lies to people to trick them into bed. Tsk tsk tsk.

(Too harsh? Not harsh enough?)And THAT ladies and gents (non jerky gents that is) is how to spot a jerk.

Poor Sandra's Jesse James

Happy dating!

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